I wanted to write to you to tell you about the choices we are making on your behalf. When I found out that I was pregnant with you almost 6 years ago I knew that , as you were already there against the odds, you were a fighter, a tough cookie and coming to us for a reason. You have shown that you are all of these things and so much more and we can’t imagine our family without you. For that reason we have decided to enter into a Bone Marrow Transplant for you to hopefully give you a new immune system capable of protecting you for the rest of your life and to put an end to the daily bravery you face.
It sounds easy…it won’t be my Small, it will be tough. Tough for me and for Daddy and everyone who loves you but toughest for you. There will be days when you feel so ill you will wonder why we chose this but one day soon it will hopefully become clear as you begin to feel strong. We have watched you get stronger every day since Christmas but you still have to endure daily iv’s, a plethora of oral meds and countless appointments involving prodding, poking and blood tests. It’s not what we want for our five year old baby…you were put here for great things, they are still to come and that is why we have agreed to the transplant. You are amazing, such a trooper and we are always so proud of you and amazed by your courage and strength and your ability to still make us smile even on the toughest of days.
Transplant means at least 8 weeks away from home, it’s so hard to imagine being apart from Lily, Kitty & Ru for so long but mummy thinks of it as a ‘long term’ at school. We can do this. We will be with you every step of the way, I can’t give many 100% guarantees in life but one I can give is that we love you more than words can ever express and will do everything we can to give the chance of a happy, healthy and fun life.
So on Mother’s Day 2014, as I write this and recall the elation of my first Mother’s Day as a mummy to 4 in 2009, the devastation of Mother’s Day 2010 as I watched you taken from my arms by a paramedic, fighting for your life as meningitis threatened to take you from me, happiness of Mother’s Day 2011 to have you well and happy a year on, I find myself looking to Mother’s Day 2015 when hopefully these tough days will be a memory and we will be celebrating almost a year since transplant.