Dear Herbie

Dear Herbie,

I wanted to write to you to tell you about the choices we are making on your behalf. When I found out that I was pregnant with you almost 6 years ago I knew that , as you were already there against the odds, you were a fighter, a tough cookie and coming to us for a reason. You have shown that you are all of these things and so much more and we can’t imagine our family without you. For that reason we have decided to enter into a Bone Marrow Transplant for you to hopefully give you a new immune system capable of protecting you for the rest of your life and to put an end to the daily bravery you face.

It sounds easy…it won’t be my Small, it will be tough. Tough for me and for Daddy and everyone who loves you but toughest for you. There will be days when you feel so ill you will wonder why we chose this but one day soon it will hopefully become clear as you begin to feel strong. We have watched you get stronger every day since Christmas but you still have to endure daily iv’s, a plethora of oral meds and countless appointments involving  prodding, poking and blood tests. It’s not what we want for our five year old baby…you were put here for great things, they are still to come and that is why we have agreed to the transplant. You are amazing, such a trooper and we are always so proud of you and amazed by your courage and strength and your ability to still make us smile even on the toughest of days.

Transplant means at least 8 weeks away from home, it’s so hard to imagine being apart from Lily, Kitty & Ru for so long but mummy thinks of it as a ‘long term’ at school. We can do this. We will be with you every step of the way, I can’t give many 100% guarantees in life but one I can give is that we love you more than words can ever express and will do everything we can to give the chance of a happy, healthy and fun life.

So on Mother’s Day 2014, as I write this and recall the elation of my first Mother’s Day as a mummy to 4 in 2009, the devastation of Mother’s Day 2010 as I watched you taken from my arms by a paramedic, fighting for your life as meningitis threatened to take you from me, happiness of Mother’s Day 2011 to have you well and happy a year on, I find myself looking to Mother’s Day 2015 when hopefully these tough days will be a memory and we will be celebrating almost a year since transplant.

Be strong Small and I will be strong with you. Together we will be positive and get through this xxxxx
I love you and so does Daddy xxx
Hugs, snugs and kisses
Mummy
Xxxxxxx
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Mother's Day card 2014
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23 thoughts on “Dear Herbie”

  1. Beautiful em – I cannot express my feelings at reading this – tears rolling down my cheeks – such a precious boy with a brave strong family to be with him both in body & spirit. Stay strong Taylor’s – you are a force to be reckoned with – it will soon be done & then this will all be a distant memory
    Lots & lots of love Mandy, Andrew, Issy, Gem & especially Arthur xxxxxxxxxxxxx

  2. Hi , I only know of you through Mandy and the ups and downs you have faced. Your strength is incredible and an inspiration. Good luck and I am sure all will go well. Sure Mand will keep me updated . Sarah (Snore as mandy calls me!!) P.S I am crying whilst I write this!! xxx

  3. Very emotional read Em! Thinking of you all! Remind the tough guy that there’s a bouncy castle date waiting as soon as the grass is cut!!!

  4. Oh Em, this is so hard but you are so right….you will look back someday and know this is what you had to do for your baby. I know I can’t offer much, but I will be praying hard and sending my love across the big pond.
    XOXO,
    Lynn

  5. Emily, you’ve been through a lot with Herbie and I hope that one day he will read this and thank you for making this choice for him. I pray he will fight his way through this and be strong again and be able to play with his brother and sisters. I hope you and Dan find the strength to get through this, I’ll be thinking of you all, love Becky

  6. I too pray that this all soon will be a distant dream. Small will go onto to great and wonderful BIG things! Thinking of all of you right now. xoxoLisa(cher)

  7. Emily, i’ve never fully known exactly what your family have had to endure this past couple of years, just snippets on Facebook. I never wanted to intrude, but knew things were serious. My heart goes out to Small, he is such a brave soul and ALWAYS looks happy. What child wouldn’t surrounded by such a loving family. I wish Small all the very best, and my prayers to you all at this difficult road that lay ahead. Your unconditional love and support will get Herb through one of the biggest challenges he will have to face. Your family are a credit to you and Dan. Much love to you all, Clare (an Isis friend always) xx

  8. That’s such a beautiful letter Emily. I am constantly in awe of you and your family. You have been through so much. We’ve had some health problems in my family which are totally insignificant compared to what you have to deal with. Knowing how how difficult we found it I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you. You are all in our thoughts and prayers. Much love, Jo xxxx (Shepherd)

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